i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
