you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
