You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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