For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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