Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
