It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
BRING THE BAGELS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
