The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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