His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I AM VODKA MAN
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
