I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
