I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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