she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
