I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
