just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
