You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
