I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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