dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
