Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
