why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
