i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
