I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
