Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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