put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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