Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
