...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
