come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
