The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
