found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
