And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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