my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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