Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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