Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
