so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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