Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
