I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
is it fun? or sober?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
