call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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