i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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