this just has baby written all over it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
