i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
