Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
