Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
