i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
