3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
