You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
