We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
