if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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