You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
