I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
