im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
