Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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