I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
