I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
