She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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