At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
