Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
