I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
